Hey, Tori Spelling – you know that duck rattle you wanted for your baby on the way? Don’t worry. Taken care of.

Tori did me a favor – hell, she did all of us a favor – by making her baby registry very easy to find. The upscale baby boutique, Petit Tresor in Beverly Hills, posts its baby registry online (peteitresor.com), so you can indulge anyone pretentious enough to desire a $4,000 crib or $750 onesie. Is that fabulous or what?

Tori, like everyone,wants many things for her baby. Tori, unlike everyone, can afford to buy the store if she chooses to. But then what would she unwrap?

As I perused her list of 55 items, I briefly considered Dr. Brown’s Level 2 Nipples, wondering what one had to do to qualify for Level 1 nipples (and then wondering what the difference was between Level 1 and Level 2 nipples, and then wondering who the hell was Dr. Brown, and what made his/her nipples so damn good that you would want to buy them). The nipples were just $8, but maybe buying nipples for Tori is a little too personal.

I was drawn to the Mobi Cam Ultra Video Monitor, but what if Tori used it to put her baby on the Net? Do we really need videos of another Spelling? Let me answer that: No.

Also on the registry – a $500 Petit Tresor gift certificate. This is probably so TV producers who always hated her suggestions. On anything. Even her own baby stuff.

But what I needed was something cute. And cheap. Mostly cheap.

And there it was. A duck rattle. For $13 (plus an additional Petit Tresor-like $8.95 for shipping; better include some designer bubble wrap for that price). I filled out the form, included a nice note, and sent it on it sway. If you’re looking for the $13 duck rattle on the list, forget it. It’s gone. But there are still the Leaping Life Rings for $26.

I am not sure if Tori will send me a lovely thank-you note, or if one of her assistants will jot off a quick “Cease and desist all communications with Ms. Spelling” email.

But if I hear anything, I’ll let you know.