Ever since Bryson was 6, his birthday gift has included a coupon book from dear old dad. Typically he receives 10 or so. Some are consistent (each year, two or three allow him to trade the coupon for a purchase, which is a lot cooler than a gift card because it's good every where they accept cash from the Bank of Dad, which is everywhere). Over the years, he's received coupons to get out of one chore for free, to do one thing he really wants to do with no excuses from dad (including transportation), a dinner at a place of his choosing, and a “I know I messed up, I really don't want a lecture” coupon, good for one “Leave me alone” moment. Bryson will tuck these away for the appropriate moment, some used right away (the ones good for purchases are gone right away, and he has always used the “Get out of a chore” coupon at the first opportunity), though some do expire at the end of a year, sitting unused in his room.

On a weeknight not very long ago, as I asked him to take his shower as bedtime was fast approaching, he left the room allowing me to watch American Idol on the DVR.

(NOTE – do not judge me because I watch American Idol. I watch America's most popular show – see how scary that sounds? – only for the first few weeks, through auditions and the cuts in Hollywood because there are so many histrionic moments that are too good to miss, reminding all of us we are not the only ones with shattered dreams; once the final 12 or 16 or 24 are chosen, I am outta there.)

On this particular night, Idol is focusing on group auditions, when singers must band in three- or foursomes, rehearse through the night and perform the following day. It's great fun because one prissy diva can upset everything, and the best singers can be sent home because they could not play well with others.

At this particular moment, Idol cameras were lingering on a group calling themselves, aptly, The Divas, and included a young woman who had become known as Bikini Girl, who was as beautiful as she was clueless. Though Bikini Girl have a somewhat lovely voice, her personality was as ugly as the U.S. economy. Bryson, now riveted by Bikini Girl's unseemly behavior, departed to take a shower that to this day is his record for the shortest (roughly 3 minutes). He returned, still dripping, just as The Divas took to the stage.

And yes, they meshed about as well as peanuts and salmonella. Two of the four survived to the next round. The other two, including Bikini Girl, were asked to leave. Bikini Girl exited stage left, posing for the camera as she strutted up the aisle.

“Oh my gosh, I can't believe her,” Bryson said. “She doesn't even care what she did.”

Cut to later, when The Divas are backstage talking about their performance and how it was such a disappointment. Well, three of the Divas were talking. Bikini Girl, standing to the side, merely waved her hand, dismissing them, and walked.

“Oh, oh, oh, she is such a, you know, rrrrrrr,” said Bryson. “I can't even, oh my gosh, she is so bad. Why the heck … she is so ridiculous. Why don't they just … rrrrr!”

Cut to a little more later, and The Divas are in the lobby, trying one last time to make nice. They gather for a group hug. But no Bikini Girl. “I don't want all this fakey hug stuff,” she said, walking away. “I don't need it.”

“What the … oh my gosh … I can't believe she …. what the hey!” Bryson stammered. “Oh, she is such a, she is such a … wait--”

He grabbed the remote and hit the pause button, freezing the action. Jumping up, he ran to his bedroom. I heard a drawer open, the shuffling of papers, a drawer shutting, footsteps down the hall.

Bryson flopped back into his chair, leaned over and slapped a slip of paper in my hand. I had a feeling I knew what it was, but I opened it. On it was printed:

“This coupon good for the use of one (1) swear word to be uttered withing listening distance of Dad. Meant to be used in times of anger or pain (neither of which may be directed at said Dad). Example: While weedwacking, you cut your ankle abd scream “Son of a b-!” Coupon not good for sear wo4ds used in front of friends overheard by dad, for that will still get you in trouble. Use this coupon wisely, if at all. Expires 3-30-09.”

Bryson hit the play button, and we were once again watching Bikini Girl vs. The Divas.

“She is such a (slight pause for dramatic effect) BITCH!” he said.

He used the coupon wisely.