There is very little reason to engage in a baseless discussion of a meaningless TV show. Particularly when that show devolves into the most ludicrous situations even as it touts the “gritty realism” of modern-day terrorist-inspired warfare.

But the fact there is very little reason to engage in such a debate only fuels the fire because there is nothing like focusing a passionate argument around made-up stuff, defending your position with logic and example (as I did), or ridiculous patter that falls apart after just a few seconds of examination (as my friend Monty did).

Here is our recent e-mail debate on the merits of the Fox show 24:

Me: speaking of sucky, did you ever watch 24 this year?

Monty: yes, i've been watching "24." i actually am really into it. if you expect plausibility, it destroys the experience. i mean, in the world of "24," this is now the seventh crisis to hit the u.s., almost like having a 9/11 every other year. if you let the stupidness wash over and envelop you, it makes the show a lot better.

Me: dude, i was a pretty decent 24 fan, and i could even put up with the totally outrageous stuff (as when the female fbi agent, rather than describe the ugly yellow utility van used as a getaway car, waits to get its plate and of course is caught before then; or when she finds the most wanted man in america holed up with a small invading force -- how'd he get thru immigration anyway? -- and the fbi dude in charge tells her it will be 15 minutes which is pretty horrible response time given the fictional equivalent of saddam hussein has just shown up). But when the general and his cronies are able to swim to the white house via the potomac, well, you know, maybe i could go along with that. but when they broke down the first wall to get in -- i can just imagine the conversation that took place among those who may have renovated the white house many years ago:
"so everything is up to code now, but i gotta tell ya, i'm still a little bothered by that possible entrance off the potomac. i mean, everyone can break down that wall, there's no rebar or anything."
"well, first of all, how is anyone gonna find it?"
"we did file those blueprints at the public library. that pretty much spells it out.'
"sure, but no one's going to see those. whoever goes into the public documents section?"
"maybe, but i still wish the first page wasn't a big drawing of the white house. really brings attention to it."
"ok, how about this. let's place a bunch of laser beams across the hole. if anyone crosses them, a bunch of alarms will go off."
"that seems pretty good. and we can run power from that junction box right in that same room."
"yeah, that will work. we'll just have to label it 'laser security' or something on the panel so no one switches if off by mistake."
"perfect. problem solved."
so as soon as the general cleared the laser array, marched in and started shooting secret service officers, who merely stood as attention as they were gunned down, i switched it off. 24 is -30-.

Monty: anyway, "24." you do realize that if you've watched it this long, you've given up any claim to being outraged. to attack the latest plot twist as "just too unbelievable" is to admit that you've been ok with every other preposterous turn of events the show has thrown at you. at this point, complaining about the unbelievable is like watching a porno and saying, "you know, i was ok when the super hot chick greeted the pizza delivery man at her door wearing nothing but a bathrobe. i was fine when she pulled him into her apartment, threw the pizza to the side and started sucking his dick, which happened to be abnormally large. i also felt it was quite possible that he would then fuck her in a variety of positions for roughly 20 minutes without his manager or other employees wondering where he was. but when he came on her face and she pretended to like it, i just felt that was too unrealistic and, frankly, ruined the whole experience for me."

Me: while i agree that 24 is preposterous and has been since its inception, there is a line you still can't cross (not gonna go into your porn argument because a) it's invalid and b) no one watches for plot). Even in the most outlandish of shows, they stick with rhe reality they have established. in lost, even with time travel and moving islands and shit, not once have they introduced a parallel universe, or that john locke is in a coma and all of this is in  his mind. because that shit would not fly in a world where certain parameters have been established. in the terminator chronicles, the terminators have not yet sent a robot back to the 15th century to kill the defenseless squire who's progeny eventually would result in john connor; nor have they sent back an army of terminators to the first century where they could easily wipe out humans in about 20 minutes. because none of that fits into the established reality.
i can give 24 miles of leeway, as when it takes 15 minutes to reach the world's most wanted man ("hey, i just stumbled across osama at a burger king in terre haute -- 15 minutes? well, ok, but it looks like his order is coming up now so you might want to send in a few local cops even though you and i know they will be nothing but bullet fodder"). i can forgive how bad guys fire 349 bullets at jack and miss, then he pops up and gets 5 kills in 5 shots. i can even allow for how you can get anywhere in DC (or los angeles) in 3 minutes. but a back door to the white house? with laser beams guarding a gap between two walls? from the potomac? no. not even close.

Monty: my porn argument is totally valid. you say that no one watches porn for plot, but in the next breath you suggest that people watch "24" for realism? i mean, that's my point right there: complaining about the lack of realism in "24" is like lamenting the poor structural narrative of "pump friction." basically, you're mad because you just wanted to see fucking and sucking, and then they snuck in a chick getting two dicks in her ass, and you were like, "hey, i didn't sign up for this! no way! they crossed my arbitrary line!" we're talking about a show where, for an entire season, a president was holed up in an underground bunker -- which, for some reason, is now totally unneeded, even when DC is under attack and the president's own life is in danger. the only "parameters" of "24" are these: chloe can hack into anything; major events occur only at the top of the hour, give or take one or two minutes; and if you want to make it out of here alive, you're going to have to do exactly what jack bauer says.

Me: also, your last attempt at a 24 argument makes it clear that your knowledge of the intricacies of the prn film is rather alarming. dude, you know more than most porn directors. did you write one at some point? if not, you should. seriously, you just might have a career in the porn industry. behind the camera, of course.  we do happen to agree on the essential truths of 24, though i would add one more; you get romantic with jack, you signed your death warrant. but as far as plotting, your porn argument still falls apart (and please don't send another porn scenario -- i get it). because you watch a porn for maybe 5 minutes. then you lose all interest. you just don't care anymore how it turns out, or who's involved, or what is going to happen. until your interest is rekindled in another hour or so, and that has nothing to do with the porn plot. 24, however, is based somewhat on our reality as it established during its first season (which i think is still the best). i was even willing to really give the series some leeway when people were hacking into valuable US targets via some device that kinda looked like a PSP. but really, writing in a secret entrance to the white house to let terrorists inside was weak and lazy. that is directly from the george lucas school of writing, when luke sent a torpedo down the air vent of the death star ("what, they blew up the death star? it wasn't even paid for yet .. uh huh, a vent? are you shitting me? a fucking vent? it was a goddamned mini-planet, what the hell did it need a vent for? ... oh, EPA regulations, fine, but did you think maybe it shouldn't have led directly to the core? maybe a couple of kinks or something?")

Monty: the porn scenarios come from the howard stern show. he has these porn stars on, and since it's on satellite radio, they can get as graphic as they want (and no, mailee is not in the car when stern is on). there's stuff i don't even want to hear about, much less see. anyway, i'll probably keep watching "24," if only because i don't know when to quit.

So that was it, an obvious end to the discussion, pretty much a victory for me as Monty admits he watches 24 for no discernible reasons other than it's on. And while the debate was meaningless, it was cathartic. And thus very worth the time.