Not long after 4 a.m., as I whirled away on the elliptical machine at my local gym, three men on the machines behind me were engaged in conversation. Two, a 60-something Hispanic and 52-year-old African American junior-high school teacher who often came at that time, were talking politics with a 50-something Anglo who, I’d never seen before. Wearing a gray sweatsuit with a towel tucked around his neck, he hunched over the machine and cycled slowly.

It started innocently, the white guy butting in on a conversation between the other two gentleman about how the teacher was thinking about taking dancing lessons. The man said how great it was to do something new, to put different things in your life. That when one thing gets boring, you can go on to something else.

“Last night, for example, I was at Encanto Park with a bunch of buddies practicing kenpo. That’s a martial art. For two hours we’re beating the hell out of each other. Sure, I have a few bruises, but I’ll live. And I delivered a few bruises as well. Enough to be remembered, you know?”

No, I don’t know. But what happened next, yeah, that’s what I’ll remember him for.

“Barack Obama scares me.”

Yup, just like that. The teacher, being a teacher, asked him why.

This is the monologue, as I remember it. And I remember it pretty well.

“Well, a lot of reasons. First, the Muslim thing. He says he isn’t a Muslim. OK. But then he dresses like a Muslim. What’s that about? Muslims aren’t like us. Sure, some of them are OK, but al-Qaida? Muslim. Terrorists? Muslim. There’s something seriously wrong with people who only want to spread violence.

“But past that, I just don’t know what he stands for. Let’s take the economy. Nobody wants to talk about it, but we’re headed to a depression, just like the 30s. It’s not if, only when. People are blind if they can’t see it. This country is going to be in sorry shape and no one is doing anything about it.

“Then gun control. That’s a huge thing. Terrorists are coming here, if they’re not here already. And unless everyone carries a gun, we can’t defend ourselves. They’re gonna come over here and just take us over if we’re not careful. Al-Qaida knows that, knows we’re soft. Unless we do something about that right away, and I don’t mean a year from now, I mean now, it’s going to be bad. And all those people who wanted gun control are going to see what it cost them.

“Here’s the thing – you know how that guy walked into that college class and started shooting? No one could defend themselves. No one. But if just one guy had a gun, game over. The shooter would have been toast. And all those people who died would be alive today. A happy ending. But no, we don’t want guns in schools. As long as we continue with that mentality, more innocent people are going to die.

“You know what we need to do, right? Everyone should have a gun. Take them to the mall, school, church, wherever. Because when that one guy who wants to kill people takes out his gun, forget it. He’s gone. But see, that’s the thing. He knows everyone has a gun, and you know what happens? He never even takes it out. Everyone is safe. Guns keep us safe. Now you’re getting my point, right? How can you argue with that? You just can’t.

“Remember what I said about the depression? It’s gonna be bad. Real bad. If people were smart, this is what they’d start doing now. First, get their money out of banks before it becomes worthless. Next, buy a bunch of water and food. A ton. More than they thought they would ever need. Then get rifles, pistols, maybe two or three per person. And lots of ammo. Like food, more than they’d think they’d ever need. Now they’re ready. When the depression hits, hunker down because there will be people who will come for them. Because they were ready and no one else is. That’s what I’m doing. I’m taking no chances.”

A series of beeps interrupted him and the two other gentleman climbed off their machines. As did he, following the older man into the weight-machine area.

About 10 minutes later I saw the teacher working out with free weights.

“Nice friend you made,” I said.

“That was disturbing,” he said. “People like that make me really nervous.”

“No kidding.”

I hit the shower, hoping to wash all that crap off.

Some of life’s better moments occur when something goes wrong (notice I said “some.” Meaning “pretty few,” because stuff CAN really suck when things go wrong, from a flat tire on the freeway to the admittance of Florida as a bonafide United State).

Something had just gone wrong a few minutes ago when I found myself walking more than a mile home with my son (a bike repair thing; his was in the shop and since I did not want to ride my bike home, leaving him alone, we walked together).

Not long after leaving the repair shop, the conversation drifted to politics. I forget how exactly. Normally in front of my almost-13-year-old son I refrain from saying, “I can understand how we can elect the dumbest US president in history; hey, even Millard Fillmore made it to the White House. But twice? Are you kidding me?”

Either way, the following conversation occurred, and because of it the world was made a better place because another Democrat was born, though I now he will sell his political soul should he ever fall in love with a Republican (“You’re right, honey, if this country is ever going to have a right-wing evangelical president bent on making the world safe for the narrow-minded, gun-holding, unforgiving non-Hispanic majority, a vote for Huckabee isn’t just essential, it’s also the only morally correct thing to do”).

It went something like this (quotes mostly accurate, relying on this aging mind as I must):

“Dad, this is George Bush’s last year, right? I don’t really like him all that much.”

“Why is that?”

“Because so many soldiers are dying. Why can’t we just get everybody out of there?”

“Well, as much as I would like to see that happen, I’m not so sure that would be the best thing. Not leaving all at once. But slowly. Even though I’m not so sure that would do any good either.”

“Why not? I don’t understand. Either we leave or we just take over, right? We leave, I mean, who cares, right?”

“But look at what we’d leave behind. A country in a lot of turmoil. There are people there who don’t get along, and they haven’t gotten along for hundreds of years. Right now we’re doing out best to get them to talk, to form a government in which they all have a voice. If we can do that, great. But even if we do that, I’m not sure peace will last.”

“Because they’ve been so long?”

“Exactly. OK, you’ve studied the Civil War, right? The North and South really hated one another. Imagine in the middle of that another country invaded. France, let’s say. And they came in and took all of our weapons and started setting the rules. Then they made us put together a government with half North, half South. When everything looked OK, France said, ‘See ya.’ What do you think would have happened?”

“We would have started fighting again.”

“Pretty much. And the North and South didn’t get along for just a few decades or so.* The Shia and Sunni, who are both Muslim but don’t agree on all the particulars, have been kinda miffed at one another for centuries.”

“So why did we even get involved?”

“Ah, there’s the question that has split the nation. Most of this goes back to 9-11. You know that the attackers were from al-Qaeda, right? OK, we went into Afghanistan because we had proof that al-Qaeda had been training there, and that its leader, right, Osama Bin Laden, was living there. Fine, right?”

“I guess. I mean, if they sent people to kill us, we should go get them.”

“Later on, George W Bush tells us that they have developed intelligence that Iraq … well, the leader of Iraq, who was a pretty …”

“Bad guy. Saddam Hassan. We talked about him in school.”

“Right. Saddam Hussein. Definitely a bad guy. Killed thousands of his won people. According to George W Bush, Saddam was a threat to the US. Not only was he connected to al-Qaeda, but he was developing really powerful bombs. Nuclear stuff, bombs with chemicals that can wipe out everyone within a few miles. Weapons of mass destruction. So George W Bush decided we needed to invade Iraq.”

“But we captured Saddam. Why didn’t we just get out then?”

“We did get Hussein, but in the meantime, guess what happened? Turns out Saddam wasn’t connected to al-Qaeda. And he wasn’t making weapons of mass destruction. See, when Saddam was doing all this bad stuff, the rest of the world cut him off. Didn’t send him food or money. Iraq became a very poor country. Thousands were starving. You think this is the kind of country we should be afraid of? No. But George W Bush was.”

“So we sent soldiers because of what Bush thought? Man, that is so stupid.” (Ah, the Democrat emerges like a butterfly from the cocoon.)

“A lot of people still believe that invading Iraq is a good thing, that Iraq was a threat to us. Others believe it had something to do with oil.”

(Conversation ensues about oil supply and political ramifications, which goes largely over his head.)

“But dad, I don’t get why the Iraqis keep blowing themselves up and killing everyone. We’re trying to bring peace and they won’t let us. That doesn’t make sense.”

“You’re right, but let’s put it another way. We’re the most powerful nation in the world and no one would dare invade us. But let’s just say that one day America is not so powerful, and other countries think we’re dangerous. So one day all these soldier show up from different countries, and none of them speak our language but it’s pretty obvious they’re telling us what to do. And they make sure to tell us it’s for our own good. They’ll even help us set up a new government where everyone will have a say. What do you think we’d do?”

“We’d fight back … yeah, I don’t think we’d just sit there. I kind of get it.”

“I wish things would be more peaceful in Iraq, and I do think there are some really bad people over there, people who would kill civilians to make a point. And I would never defend them. But I also think it’s important we at least try to understand it from another point of view.”

“How long are we going to keep being over there?”

“I wish I knew. I just hope we pull out long before you turn 18.”

“But we could be there another 10 years. Or even 50 years. A hundred years. And when we leave, they could all go back to fighting anyway. So what’s the point?”

“I have no idea. But hopefully whoever’s elected president will.”

*Having not studied the Civil War for a few decades or so, my apology to the stick-up-their-butt historians who insist my figures are wrong.

Ah, it's almost spring training once again. Is there any better time in the universe than the start of baseball? Let me answer that for you -- no.

A close runner-up, however, is the beginning of Sausage Racing Season. Last year, I was lucky enough to be the chugging Chorizo, going against such wiener luminaries at Italian, Polish and the Hot Dog at a Milwaukee Brewer spring training game.

Check out the video here (and if copying and pasting this link does not work for some reason, go to azcentral.com. Scroll to the bottom and click on "Videos" in the site map. Once at the videos screen, scroll down to Arizona Republic videos and click on More videos. Scroll to March 07, go down about three-quarters of the way and click on Sausage Races. Yes, you will probably be disappointed. So? It's only 90 seconds) :

www.azcentral.com/phpAPP/multimedia/flash.php?path
=rtmp://azcentral.com/news/azr/0310sausage_r','mediaplayer',
'toolbar=no,scrollbars=no,resizable=no,width=300,height=300'

As I get older, generalities lose their veracity and mean less and less. For example, when I was 20, I knew that everyone going the speed limit in the fast lane was a jerk. Now that I’m 50, I realize that only some of those people are jerks, the ones who insist the speed limit is absolutely the fastest you should go, thus they are “proving a point” (and being jerks) by remaining in the fast lane. Others are simply misguided or not paying attention. And I’ve also come to realize that relatively slower people in the fast lane are not there solely to tick me off.

Not everyone comes to this realization as their brains ferment (becoming more refined and of a higher quality) over the decades. There are millions who firmly believe such generalities as “Iraq is a threat to America” and “Illegal is illegal.” Yet if they were to pause and think of those statements on a case-by-case basis, they would realize the words are as hollow as a Wal-Mart promise to pay its clerks a living wage.

With that in mind, here are generalities that I still generally believe:

Aisle seats are way better, mostly at sporting events, with theaters and airplanes right behind.

Those 80 and older should not be driving. Those 70 and older should not be driving without an annual driving test. Anyone who thinks, “I love being behind the wheel of this RV” should not be driving at all.

Just because you can afford to buy something way bigger than you need does not mean you should.

If there truly was a God, chocolate would cure cancer.

George W. Bush may not be the dumbest U.S. president ever, but he is certainly in the top 3.

Once I get to know a Republican, I can actually get to like him or her. Given time.

We don’t own up to our problems like our parents did (yes, I’m talking to those people who took out risky home loans and then blamed the availability of those loans when financial troubles started).

Not everyone who buys a Hummer is trying to make up for having a tiny penis. Women, for example.

Leave Britney alone.

Spirituality can be fulfilling. Religion is merely polarizing.

It is not a crime to want you hair cut in silence.

Dogs rule, cats drool.

Those who believe abstinence is the solution to teen pregnancy either have forgotten their own teenage years or were such total geeks they never had a shot at getting any.

If the Super Bowl continues to hire talented yet irrelevant halftime acts, Earth Wind and Fire would be an excellent choice.

Double Stuf Oreos with peanut butter crème are the best mass-produced cookies in the US.

Molly Johnson’s peanut butter chocolate chip cookies are the best homemade cookies in the US, if not the world.

Ugliest English word is definitely the “c” word – “censorship.”

A sharing of opinions and ideas can be enriching, especially when those opinions and ideas conflict. Spewing vile thoughts anonymously across the Internet is cowardly.

Arrested Development was one of the best shows on TV, and I blame you for not watching and having it canceled.

I am a decent man with a few dickish tendencies rather than a dick with a few decent tendencies.

If you are caught in this country illegally, let’s still treat you humanly, if not humanely.

Worst household chore: dusting.

Best household chore: yeah, right.

Those who ignore history are most likely high school students, and are certainly doomed to repeat it if they don’t get their act together.

Superman could beat any other superhero in a fair fight.

As you get older, you become more appreciative of others’ talents. Not counting those talents of romance writers.

Loyalty to your company stopped being an admirable trait about 15 years ago.

In more cases than not, he who smelt it is not the one who dealt it.

If you are against affirmative action and belong to a class that has never been subject to centuries of racial oppression, from slavery to systematic segregation to profiling, four words: Shut the hell up.

Two statements guarantee to make any reasonable person cringe: “Everything in my life has led up to this moment” (true whether you’ve just made love for the first time or decided on cherry over raspberry Toaster Pastries) and “He died doing what he loved to do” (apparently far worse than dying while doing what you don’t like to do).

Marriage is a flawed institution, and kudos to those who make it work.

Those who have asked “What part of ‘illegal’ don’t you understand?” should meet the girl from Mexico who came with her parents when she was two, received outstanding grades while working two jobs to help her family, saved enough for college and, after a routine check of records just prior to her graduation and the start of her job at a bioresearch company, was deported to a country she considered foreign. Yeah, that’s the part of “illegal” I don’t understand.

Feel free to leave comments. Who knows, I may have a part 2.

The youngster knows how to rock ... in the living room with a toy guitar. But hey, he's got style. And as far as I know, he did not know the camera was on him until the end.