The good physicians of the AMA don’t know this, but they let me off the hook and made me a better parent with just one vote. They decided that videogame addiction is not a verifiable affliction. Good thing, No, I’m not addicted (not that I need a verifiable affliction to take mood-altering drugs when “because I want to” will suffice should I ever decide to start munching pills). However, my son is walking the line between “I play to fill the time, and there’s an awful lot of time to fill” and “If you turn off the 360, I will be turning you off.”

OK, it’s not that bad. Yet. But he is rather preoccupied right now with a little game called Crackdown. In it, he plays an enforcer of the law who gets more powerful as he enforces more laws (and by “enforces” I mean “kills” and by “laws” I mean “bad guys”). It’s rated M for Mature, and he is fairly mature for his age. Good enough.

You may judge me if you wish, but let the person without tweens on long too-hot-to-go-out summer days cast the first stone. But after watching my son play Crackdown for many hours, I can see some wonderful things happening. Many years ago there was a naïve, perhaps mentally challenged author who wrote “Everything I Needed to Know I Learned in Kindergarten” (Which is total bullshit, so of course it sold billions of copies.)

With that crap in mind, I present “Everything I Needed to Know I Learned from Playing Crackdown,” as I envision my son writing 30 years from now:

It is not your accuracy, it is the size of your weapon that counts.

Life is not worth living if you can’t roundhouse-kick a car off an embankment.

Most problems are best solved with a rocket launcher.

The most important decision you make each day is what weapon to carry.

Ammunition: Never leave home without it.

Why abuse steroids when you can enhance yourself naturally through the senseless killing of others.

There are two kinds of people in the world: those with 4-star agility who can jump 30 feet in the air, and cannon fodder.

You can kill way more people with a nondescript sedan than with the most tricked-out automatic weapon so seriously, do not piss me off when I am driving.

Nothing clears a traffic jam like a well-placed grenade.