A conversation that occurred during an official conference-room meeting that proves once and for all we will never be the subject of a reality show—

“The new Star Wars move is opening on, I don’t know. Like, in a couple of weeks.”

“Yeah, on a Thursday.”

“Thursday? What’s up with that?”

“I just love Boba Fett.”

“What?”

“Boba Fett. You know, the bounty hunter.”

“He was pretty cool. Remember how he died?”

“He was swept into some sand creature, that thing where all youl could see was is mouth coming out.”

“For a cool character, he deserved a lot better death than that. It kinda sucked the way he went.”

“I had a tree frog named Boba Fett.”

“A tree frog.”

“Yeah, a tree frog.”

“For a pet?”

“Yeah, but I didn’t have him for long.”

“Was he eaten by a sand creat-“
”So what happened to him?”

“It wasn’t really working out so I took him back to the pet store. Only –“

“Isn’t the real question here, ‘Why did you have a tree frog for a pet?’”

“-there was this older woman in there and she saw Boba Fett. She asked me if he was sick, if that’s why I was taking him there, and I told her I didn’t want him anymore.”

“Kinda tough to bond with a tree frog?”

“And she goes, ‘If you don’t mind, I’d like to take him.’ So I handed him over. I don’t know what happened to him after that.”

“Did you think, like, ‘How weird’ when Star Wars came out and one of the characters was named after your tree frog?”

“What?”

“You know, you named this frog Boba Fett and, you know. The movie.“

(pause)

“No, I named him after the character.”

(suppressed laughter)

“Oh, right.”

“I love saying it. Boba Fett. BO-ba FETT. Boba Fett. That is so cool. Boba Fett. Boba boba boba boba boba Fett. See?”

“OK, so, where were we?”

Letter to a new father--

i am not going to bore you with this, but i cannot help but expound upon my favorite subject, that of fatherhood. it does make a big difference when you plan for it (and it was something i had anticipated for years before finally getting my wife at the time to agree to it, a necessity as she was the holder of the eggs).
it is by far the most rewarding endeavor i have ever been involved with, one in which i find new joy every day. early on it was the smiles and laughter. then the sitting up, the reaching out for things as he explored this strange new world (one of my favorite memories are the evenings i would bathe him, my chore - yeah, like it was a "chore" - and we would splash and talk and sing and i could not help but allow my mind to regress back to its origins, my thoughts and senses melding perfectly with that of an infant). then those tentative first steps, increased mobility. and the words. communication was such a wonderful breakthrough.
And eventually he was able to use that amazing ability to convey feelings. then those truly precious moments, like the one where i sat in the audience at dobson high as bryson was on stage reading from his essay about martin luther king (he won 2nd place in the district). i remember him calling me at work to tell me he'd won. i went absolutely nuts. i remember being told my quads story had earned first place in the annual gannett contest, but having my son tell me he'd jsut won 2nd place with his essay was so much more exciting. that's when it really hit me about my own accomplishments, why my mom and dad insisted on having my dean's list certificates, or the journalism awards i won while in college. life is good, but when things turn out for your child, life is great. and as wonderful as it is with your new daughter now, you will be shocked and amazed at how much better it's going to get.
i will pass onto you the one thing i am sure you already know, and as much as i have tried to accomplish this, it has proven to be impossible -- cling to every moment because they grow up so fast. i think i've done a pretty good job at that, realizing how swiftly days, weeks, months can pass. yet in two weeks bryson will turn 10 and i can't figure out what the hell happened to that decade. about a week ago i had turned out the light, put my head on the pillow and started thinking of just that: where did the years go? i started thinking of the things i've missed because his mom and i split up, wondering about what role i've played in his life. i had taken this journey over the last 10 years, but where had it led?
it was a feeling of aloneness, as if i'd done much of it on my own, that i'd had little influence on my son's life despite doing the best i could. a few days later i picked him up from school and, with this still at the back of my mind, i started asking him about his memories. what stood out, where i was in the recollections of a young boy. he remembered things that surprised me -- running along the sidewalk behind a plastic fire engine at the antfarm, being pushed while riding in a dumptruck, playing in the sand, spending 6 hours in the backseat of a compact car on the way to San Diego.
On and on. it hit me how i hadn't been alone on this journey at all. he'd been with me step by step, accumulating memories and knowledge, shaped and formed by those in his life. yes, an obvious conclusion, one i should have reached without such introspection, yet i was comforted. and i won't forget.
i've gone on way too long, but wanted to pass this along too -- though my dad was from a different era (and yours too, as you mentioned), and he did work a lot of hours every week, he was there for me. my memories are filled with visions of he and i playing football and basketball, building models, hell, even fighting over the length of my hair. he was never really my confidante, it just wasn't part of growing up back then. so with bryson, i hope to take the father-son bond that one step further and be the one he can come to with a problem, or at least a crisis. If not for the love and support of my own dad, i would be ill-equipped to do this on my own. what i do to help my son grow and mature is more important than anything i have ever done, or will do, at work.

Conversation between Dusty and Lizzie, male mutt and female cattle dog, part 4:

“Oh.”

“What?”

“That.”

“What?”

“That. Right there.”

“This?”

“Yes.”

“Lick it again?”

“Yes.”

“Here?”

“There.”

“Like this?”

“Just like that.”

“Uh oh.”

“Uh oh?”

“Uh oh.”

“What?”

“Something is different.”

“Different?”

“Different.”

“How?”

“Something came out.”

”Something came out?”

“Something came out.”

“What came out?”

“Wet. Pink. From inside.”

“From inside?”

“Yes.”

“From inside me?”

“Yes.”

“…”

“I think …”

“What do you think?”

“I think you are broken.”

“Broken?”

“Yes. Leaking. From inside.”

“Then stop”

“Stop?”

“Stop!”

“OK.”

“Um …”

“I stopped.”

“Yes, you stopped.”

“It’s gone.”

“Gone?”

“Gone.”

“No more leaking?

“No leaking.”

“Good.”

“Good.”

“Do it again.”

“Here?”

“There.”

“Like this?”

“Like that.”

“Uh …”

“Just like that.”

“But …”

“Like that.”

“You’re coming out.”

“Again?”

“Again.”

“Stop!”

“I stopped.”

“You stopped.”

“It’s gone.”

“Good. No, not good.”

“Not good?”

“Not good.”

“…”

“Start again.”

“Here?”

“There.”

“Like this?”

“Like that.”

“You’re leaking again.”

“Yes, I’m leaking.”

“Stop?”

“No, don’t stop.”

“But you are broken.”

“I am leaking.”

“You are leaking.”

“But I …”

“Yes?”

“I feel …”

“Yes?”

“Not broken.

“Not broken?”

“Not broken. At all.”

“But you are leaking.”

“Yes.”

“From inside.”

“Yes.”

“But you aren’t broken?”

“No.”

“Then what are you?”

“Good.”

“Good?”

“Really good.”

“Really good?”

“Really good.”

“Because of this?”

“Because of that.”

“Then i will stop.”

“Don’t stop.”

“I’m going to stop.”

“Don’t stop.”

“I’m stopping.”

“You’re stopping.”

“I’ll go again.”

“You will?”

“If …”

“If what?”

“Give me your food.”

“My food?

“Your food.”

“Done.”

“Then I will go again.”

“You’re going again.”

“Yes.”

“Yes. Yes. Yes. YES! Stop.”

“Stop?”

“Stop.”

“I’ve stopped.”

“You stopped.”

“…”

“…”

“Wanna turn?”

“OK.”

“Um …”

“What.”

“I can’t find it.”

“what?”

“The thing.”

“The thing?”

“The thing that breaks and feels good.”

“Oh. That thing.”

“That thing.”

“Good guess.”

“Here?”

“Yes, there.”

“Here?”

“There.”

“Here.”

“Yes. There. There.”

“I’m stopping.”

“Don’t stop.”

“I’ve stopped.”

“You stopped. Why?”

“Food.”

“Food?”

“Give me your food.”

“No.”

“No?”

“No.”

“OK. Here?”

“There.”